One month and a little more...

Well it's been a week since Monroe turned 1 month so she is now 5 weeks. She is a little doll and growing so fast! She still wakes up twice a night to eat. We are really trying to stick to a schedule to get her to sleep through the night. I really struggled with that with Miller and it affected my life so much. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing! So I'm very hopeful that she will soon be zonked out the whole night so I am not a zombie in the morning when Miller wakes up. I'm still adjusting to this new little angel and to having 2 children. Sometimes I still can't believe it. We are having some struggles with Miller and I am finding that to be the most difficult thing in my life right now. He has some severe developmental delays and I think I denied it for a long time but it has caught up with me. Mixing all that with my currently unbalanced hormones has kind of put me on a roller coaster. Miller is a delightful child, happy, pleasant, funny, and adorable. But he is just way behind. Some say he has some problems, others say he is just fine, he'll catch up. I just can't help but worry and worry and that makes me stressed and easily frustrated. We are getting him help and I see improvements and accomplishments in him everyday. I just have to cherish these small moments and not allow my frustration to get the best of me. As a mom you just want your children to be healthy, happy, and successful. Thinking that there may be something wrong with your child is never a great feeling. But I am really trying to enjoy each day and moment with him and not compare him to other children. I have had two experiences in the past week that have put my minor troubles into perspective. Last Wednesday I was at an appointment with the kids. We were in an office with several desks and two other families in the same room. They were checking in on Monroe and her health and also mine. With that comes the question, "how many pregnancies have you had," my response, "3," next question, "how many live births," my response, "2." I have answered these questions so many times after doctor and hospital visits. I can't help but get a little teary eyed when I think of the precious baby that we lost. It's something I haven't ever really talked about much, Brady and I both kind of put it on the backburner. Anyways, shortly after I answered the questions the woman at the desk next to me was asked the same questions. Now, the desks are separated and you can't see each other but I could hear her. Her response to how many pregnancies, 15. My jaw drops. Her response to how many live births, 1. My jaw drops lower as well as the woman talking with me. The woman goes on to say she had one still born, 13 miscarriages, and the precious baby that was with her now. I immediately felt humbled and amazed at her courage to continue to try and have a child. I cannot imagine her pain and grief after losing every one of those pregnancies. It is a feeling that you hope no one ever has to feel yet so many women do. At that moment I was reminded at how different all our trials are and how we are truly never given more then we can handle. My next experience came on Monday when I was taking Miller to have his vision and hearing tested. The center was at an elementary school which does so much for special needs children. Thankfully Miller passed his tests and seems to have no issues with his vision or hearing. As we walked down the halls lined with wheelchairs I couldn't help but again be grateful for Miller's health and humbled again by the strength of the children, parents, and teachers at that school. I sat and thought about how Miller cannot walk or talk yet, but I know that he will, he just needs more time then most, as I look at these special children who will never have that chance in this life. My sweet sister's adorable daughter has down syndrome and she often expresses to me her fears for her daughters future. It's something we all think about as mothers. We are all hopeful that sweet Grace will have the best chance at everything and I know she will. She has always shown remarkable strength and abilities. Life is definitely a journey and everyday is an amazing blessing. Seeing that perspective on difficult days is just that, difficult. So here's to today, and enjoying each and every moment with my amazing children, and to accepting them for who they are, no matter who they become or what they can and cannot do. 

Oh and here's some adorable pictures from around Monroe turning 1 month old.